


Childproof Your Home

by SaintOlga



Series: fuck heteronormativity (and let's fuck Alex while we're at it) [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Theodosia Burr, Parents's Sex Life, hints of kink, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 08:06:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7676710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaintOlga/pseuds/SaintOlga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How the Burrs ended up getting a dog.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Childproof Your Home

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted without proofreading. I'm updating it now, after it was proofread by wonderful [sablessx](https://sablessx.tumblr.com/) whose services I won in a bid for [Fandom Loves Puerto Rico](https://fandomlovespuertorico.dreamwidth.org/).

“Dad?” Theo sounds very serious. Aaron looks up at them from his place on the picnic blanket where he, John and Alex are trying to catch their breath after playing ball with the children. (“Our own tribe,” Alex calls them proudly. “Mostly yours,” Aaron replies, usually dryly. Their family seems to be planning to populate a small country all on their own, while he and Lafayette have only produced one child each.)

“What’s up, kid?” Aaron asks, frowning slightly at the hint of the pout on Theo’s lips. They rock from heel to toe, thoughtful.

“George is getting a dog,” they say, staring at him, and then at Lafayette’s George (“I can’t believe you named your kid after Washington, Laf, your crush is showing!” “It’s not a crush—it’s deep and unwavering respect!”), who’s been left with the three of them while his father joins the rest of the ladies at the spa. Aaron sighs. He knows where this is going.

“Theo, honey. We talked about this,” he starts quietly, calmly. But Theo shakes their head, stubbornness of their mother visible in the line of their mouth.

“Then why do we have a collar?”

Aaron freezes. John and Alex, watching the discussion with neutral expressions, start to perk up.

Theo moves on, “I saw it in the living room. A purple one. I thought you’re getting me a dog for my birthday…” Their eyes are now full of sorrow. Aaron looks like he’s gonna cry too, for a number of different reasons.

It shows how mature they’ve become that John and Alex keep in their laughter until he manages to placate Theo and send them away to play with the others: George and Phillip and Angelica. They even keep it down so as not to wake up Jamie, who is sleeping in Alex’s lap. It doesn’t help much.

“Et tu, Burr!” Alex gasps, breathless, his eyes full of unadulterated glee. John snickers next to him.

“Purple? Good choice for your skin. I suppose it’s for you because Theodosia doesn’t look the type.” He looks him over speculatively. “Aaron Burr, _Sir_ ,” he tries, and falls over giggling.

“It’s none of your business,” Burr replies; the only response he will deign them with. Not that it ever stops them.

“But seriously,” John says after they stop giggling like schoolgirls, “this is why we moved the entire fun stash to the apartment. Children are fantastic at losing things in the plain sight and finding things you thought you hid so well.”

“ _So_ didn’t need to know that you even have a ‘fun stash’—more so what you call it and what you do with it,” Burr replies. Alex snorts at him good-naturedly.

“If you ever need any advice…” he sings-songs. Burr pins him with a stare, wordlessly reminding him that he already knows way more about Hamilton’s sex life than he ever wanted to. (Rule number one: never lie to your campaign manager, even by omission. Washington knows the rules well.)

“Thanks, but no thanks,” he says levelly, with as much dignity as he has left. “I have the internet.”


End file.
